Just us Girl

     The men in my house have hit the road. For the first time in a long time, I've got five glorious days all by myself.  Aside from nocookingnocleaningnolaundry, I am looking forward to luxuriating in some real old fashioned girly behavior.  But after spending 23 years in a house full of boys, I'm not really sure what to do.
     I begin with the obvious, a mani/pedi, followed by assorted other beauty services.  I eat expensive salad for lunch and dark chocolate for dinner, and feel I've had a fairly successful first day.
     I love to fall asleep with the television on, so my first night alone I get under the covers and get nice and cozy watching The Daily Show followed by The Colbert Report.  I look forward to knowing that before Stephen introduces his guest, I will be fast asleep.
     When I wake up, the television is blaring Latin music and crowds of people are dancing.  At first I think I am watching a Columbian flash mob, but then some women start giving testimonials about their weight loss, and I know I am watching an infomercial.  It only takes me another minute or two to understand that the product they are selling is Zumba Fitness.  Zumba is a dance workout that is all the rage, and for four small payments of $19.95, "cheaper than one visit to a personal trainer," I can order the set of DVDs and lose all that weight too.
     I imagine that this is the time of night when most people will try anything--when they are fuzzy with sleep and worrying about the things that can't possible be fixed at 2:00 in the morning, i.e. I can't take back the comment I made to my boss about the stain on her sweater (not a stain) but I can get off my fat ass and do something about my fat ass.
     Even in the wee hours of the morning, with all my defenses down, I know I won't lose a single pound. I run three miles every single morning, and my weight stubbornly remains the same. I am no longer thin, but work hard to maintain what I fondly refer to as my NFW, my Normal Fat Weight.
     I love running in the spring and summer, but the first October frost reminds me that soon I will be running in layers of unattractive clothing, and it will be dark, and the cold air will hurt my chest and make my nose run, and ultimately I will spend many icy mornings indoors on the treadmill watching Dancing With The Stars episodes on the DVR.
     Those Zumba gals sure look like they are having a ball.  Then the announcer lowers the price to only three payments of $19.95, throws in the cute weighted batons, and tells me that if I order in the next 20 minutes, I get the expedited shipping for free!
     In the darkness of my quiet bedroom, with no one to wake, I pick up the phone.  It occurs to me that I would never do this if my husband were here, but without him I've become Sheryl the Shuteye Shopper.  I place my order.
     Who knows what other great buys I'll find in the middle of the night? With three more nights alone, I'm going to leave the credit card on my night stand.